Ooops! Not Again!

Me, trying so hard to hold myself from telling my son : “ that’s exactly what you did the last time” because we’ve been told that such statements aren’t good for a child’s self esteem. But men, it’s really hard to do. I just kept swallowing spit.

Here’s the full gist; just this last week, while he was trying to make a breakfast of coco pops, he had poured the entire contents on the floor. In all honesty, remembering how our parents treated us when we make such mistakes,( some of us got premium beatings when we broke plates . No child in his or her right senses would want to break a plate right ?)I managed not to even scold him or shout because nobody is above the mistake . It could have been me as well. I even helped him clean up at some point . He himself apologized (that’s Folorunsho for you, always quick to apologize ), of which I said to him “it’s nothing, no one is above mistake, after all it wasn’t an intentional act.”

But when he repeated the same mistake again this morning, it took everything in me not to blurt out saying “not again , this was exactly what you did the last time…..” I just sat calmly where I was looking at him. He apologized again and started to clean up. This time around, I didn’t make any attempt to help him clean up, he did it all alone. Also, the last time this happened, I gave him another pack of coco pops but this time around, he only had what was left in the pack. As is his habit, my boy apologized again. He just has a way of melting my heart with his apologies. 

So, you see, there are silent ways to correct our children without shouting or spilling out words that’ll damage their spirit and self esteems. Words are very powerful and once spoken , they can’t be retrieved. As parents, we must also know that mistakes are part of life , so never punish a child for making a mistake. Rather , it can be a teachable moment. Like the first time this occurred , my boy was crying and I had to calm him down and remind him that I’ve always told him never to cry over spilled milk. One thing I tell my children when something beyond their control happens is to look for solutions and not just cry because crying will never undo or rectify the situation . Yeah, it’s okay to cry but don’t stay crying for too long . 

Sometimes when they misplace something and become agitated and all, I’d just say “this one you’re doing will not solve the problem o, just calm down and think of the likely places what you’ve lost might be, then pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you find it”  Does it work? Yes, it always does .

Here are a few things you should never say to your child when he /she make mistakes:

1. Why do you keep on repeating the same thing every time?” or “How many times do I have to tell you the same thing?”
2. Can’t you just do anything right? I’ve always told you to learn to be calm. This happened because you weren’t calm enough . 
3. “I didn’t expect this from you.” or “I am very disappointed in you.” or “I am ashamed of you. He is growing up. Mistakes are the way children learn, if they don’t make mistakes they won’t learn, even you did. It is a part of the growing up process. Don’t make him feel ashamed of himself, it will only add to his pain.
4. “I know your sister or brother would have been more careful and would never have made this silly mistake. Comparing your child to his siblings or any other child lowers a child’s esteem and makes him inferior . . Comparison is poisonous and dangerous . Every child is unique in his own way.
5. I will hit you harder this time.” or “I will throw you out of the house.” Never threaten or punish a child for making a mistake .
6. Never use curse or abusive words like : dumb! foolish !Stupid! Idiot!” Whatever you call your child is what he’ll become. Even when a child acts stupidly, declare the opposite. Such words are taboos in my home. There’s no level of provocation that’ll ever make me tell my child “he is stupid or mad”

As parents, we need to learn new ways of handling our children and also unlearn the old ways (not all) our parents raised us.  It’s important that you read books on parenting. That’s where I learn some of these tips too. Shouting and feeling agitated is archaic, we must learn to accept mistakes in a calm, relaxed, non-critical manner. Best of the new month to you dear parent.